Thursday, May 21, 2015

Is It Wrong To Want To Recharge?

Dishes piling up...
I hate saying that I'm overwhelmed.

I want to be able to do it all.

I NEED to be able to do it all.

With a husband who owns his own business and has insane hours, I have no choice.

But this week has been hell.

And I don't know if it's been worse than other weeks or that I'm just drained.

Just part of the painting that Levi did with my gel nail polish....
It's probably an accumulation because we've been through the wringer in the last 8 months or so....

But I feel guilty that I want a break.

My kids need a break, too.

When I go to the chiropractor's, I feel guilty leaving them at home because I know that they are tired of being cooped up in the house, too.

I feel guilty for wanting to go out on a Date Night with my husband for the same reason.

Not that we have much time for going out anymore.

And I don't feel that a few hours of alone time is really cutting it anymore...because I don't seem any less stressed once I step back into my normal chaotic life.

Never-ending laundry....
My life isn't intentionally chaotic...but that's life when you have 4 kids.

A teenager.

And a pre-teen.

And 2 preschoolers.

Life is just flooded with hormones and emotions.

But I need to detach to connect. Does that make any sense?

And I feel wrong for feeling this way because there are a hundred million moms out there feeling the same way. A hundred million moms who can't pee without someone trying to crawl on their lap. Who can't sleep without a little one trying to crawl on top of them because they just want to cuddle. Who can't eat a warm meal because a little person needs help with eating their meal. I'm not doing anything special or unique. So why am I feeling like it's too much sometimes?

And just imagining how LUCKY I am to even have my babies is overwhelming. So many moms have lost their babies. Or can't have babies. Who would give their soul just to hold their own baby. And I am daring to COMPLAIN??? What kind of ass am I???

Yeah. That's where I'm at right now.

I am exhausted. And stressed. And touched out. But extremely blessed.

And I am overwhelmingly grateful.

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