The LawnMower Man

Occasionally we hire the neighbor guy to mow our lawn because my husband has been working so much lately & he doesn't have time to do it himself.

And I am just lazy.

Being that we are perpetual procrastinators when it comes to lawn care, we don't have him cutting it on any set schedule.

Generally, we flag him down once our community's manager sends out the Lawn Maintainance Reminders & have him come out the next day.

Yeah. I know how bad that sounds.

This morning, though, the kids & I heard a weed-eater. It sounded pretty close.

My daughter walks over to the front screen door & asks, "Is the Lawn Mower Guy supposed to be here today?"

I think that over for a second. I have no recollection of receiving a Yard Maintainance Reminder in the last few days.

"No, hon, why?"

"Because he's here. Like right here. He's using the weed-eater around the front porch!"

Okay. Let me just pause for a moment to let you know that I have a slight penchant for drama. That's what others would probably say, anyway.

I think I have a great need to protect my kids.

But whatever.

You say "potato", I say....

"Quick! Lock the front door! I have no clue why he's here or what he wants! Shut the blinds! Is the back door locked?!!!"

After a thorough & extremely speedy lockdown that would make any warden jealous, we were safe.

I cannot believe this.

I am trapped in the house with my defenseless children.

We are just sitting ducks.

What sick plans does this maniacal gardener have in mind to do to us?!

I call my husband to see if he is working anywhere in the general vicinity. Maybe he can rescue us...

He doesn't answer the first time.

The weed-eater shuts off outside. My heart is pounding in my chest. Surely my life should be flashing before my eyes, but for some reason I can't help but keep wondering if there are any brownies left in the kitchen.

I must be in shock.

Though I am pleased when I remember that there are three brownies left.

I call his phone again.

The weed-eater starts up again. Oh, he is just toying with us now. Like a cat with a mouse....


"Oh, thank God you answered!! Wait...first of all, did you eat any brownies this morning before you left for work?!"

"Noooo....." (yes! we still have three left...)

"Okay. That's great. Oh wait...I called for something else though! The LawnMower guy is here! I don't want you to worry...we managed to lock the doors and shut all the....."

"Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you. I meant to call, but I totally forgot... I ran into him this morning & asked him to come cut the grass if he had time today..."

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!! I need a brownie.


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