Monday, June 4, 2012

Kid Culture

You know those "What To Expect" books? They are portrayed as giving you The Answers to being a mom, letting you assume that motherhood will hold No Surprises for you.

What a crock.

They're not giving you the low-down nasty details of Your Life With Children.

And your mom, grandma...even your best friend may hesitate telling you how it Really Is...maybe even keep it from you altogether.

Why is this?

Maybe they're afraid of giving out TMI. Too explicit of details.

Maybe they're questioning your dedication to Mommyhood & fear you will run screaming at the first revealing of Real Life, ducking for cover in the nearest mocha-latte-iced coffee-no far-extra cream coffeehouse, drinking yourself into a caffeinated coma.

But I feel that by sheltering you they are only doing you a disservice.

So I come bearing gifts. Errr....gift. The gift of knowledge. The gift of Power. The gift of....Kid Culture.

Kid Culture is the realization that Life With Children is much different than Life Without Children.

In my Kid Culture posts, I will give you the skinny on What To Really Expect.....

I'm not sure how I will separate them...maybe number them? Keep in mind that there is no real importantance in the order in which they are numbered. Each is important in their own way....

Kid Culture #4571....

Your coffee will be....interesting. I'm not talking 'Ooh my gosh, you have got to try the K-Cup Amazon Jungle Variety Pack! The flavors are sooo intense & interesting.'

No.

Not like that.

I'm talking...well, here let me give you an example:

This morning I was making myself a cup of coffee.

I grabbed a spoon out of the silverware drawer so that I could stir it. I didn't closely examine my spoon. I assumed that because the spoon was in the drawer that it was clean.

My bad.

So, yeah, I grab the spoon & immediately begin stirring my coffee.

As I pulled the spoon out, I noticed that it was dirty. Not coffee-covered dirty. Not sugar-crusted dirty.

Dirt dirty.

Hmmm....

Apparently my kids did not clean said spoon as well as one might have hoped.....after planting their Venus Fly Trap seeds & using this particular spoon as a mini shovel.

And you know what's worse?

I drank that coffee anyways.

Yep.

I good-to-the-last-drop drank that coffee down.

Hell, I'm sure I needed the extra fiber.

Welcome to Mommyhood, darlin'. Just be sure to check your spoons before using them. Especially if they've recently been used for gardening...


No comments: