Saturday, May 8, 2010

An Amazing Realization

Okay, so I know how totally stupid this whole thing is probably going to come off, but I just feel that I need to share it with you all.

I have been worried about having another baby. Not "should I have it?" or anything like that, but just wondering how it (can't wait til we know the sex so I don't have to call my baby "it") will affect the dynamics of our home & family.

My daughter is so excited to have a new baby. Of course, her preference is for it to be a girl. I would love a baby girl, too...the cute little sundresses & fuzzy knit winter hats....awww!!! But she would be happy with a baby boy, too, I'm sure. My son...ehhh...well, he's excited, but I'm not sure if he really understands. He's only 6. He thinks this little one is going to pop out and be ready to play Hot Wheels with him the next day.

But I'm scared that the thrill of the "new" will wear off very quickly for them. I am praying that these fears will go unrealized, but they are there, in the back of mind, nonetheless.

And then yesterday I had this revelation. It sounds so corny & commonplace, but for me it changed so much.

This baby is going to love me with every fiber of his/her being. I mean, those who are moms know what I mean....when your little one looks up at you with complete adoration. And this isn't a once-in-awhile thing, either. It's an everyday thing. Little girls wanting to emulate their mommy or little boys wanting to protect their mommy. It varies child-to-child, but the love is there, no question.

And that's when it hit me. That while I am having doubts on whether I have enough love inside of me to share with a third little one (I have had years & years to bond with my oldest two...how can I love this one so completely right away???).....it's not going to be an issue. This baby is going to love me and adore me just as much as my older two.

I am going to have a tiny one that puts their teeny hand in mine without any hesitation. I am going to walk into it's bedroom & it is going to be thrilled-beyond-belief to see me every morning. You moms know that look....when you walk into their room in the morning (sometimes so sleepy & groggy from a fitful night's rest)....and just the look on their face....it says "IT'S MY MOMMY!!!!!" and they smile with everything that they have.

While I may worry that I am going to have 3 little ones (maybe more, depending on what the ultrasound says on Wed) to love equally, I am the only Mommy these kids have. And there is no question in their hearts of "where will my love come from". It's just there. God will provide.

And I need to have faith that everything will work out.

My family is growing. And so will my heart. ♥

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